Nine Strategies to Help
You Stop
Enduring and Start Creating a Life That REALLY Works
Looking for something with more impact (and
sticking power) than the usual
doomed-to-fail resolutions? I want you to
make 2013 the
year you finally buck up and start living the
life YOU want to live!
By Vickie Milazzo
Guest Blogger
The
year 2012 is drawing to a close and, for many recession-wracked American women,
it feels like just another mile marker in an endurance race going nowhere. Depressing,
but true. We trudge through the week at a dreary job, drive home fretting about
money, and spend our evenings robot-walking through the usual haze of homework
battles and half-finished chores. Passion and fulfillment? Nope, just sheer
survival. And the worst part is, most of
us have meekly accepted that this is how it has to be right now.
I’m not talking about
the kind of new year’s resolution that’s just wishful thinking pasted on top of
your old lifestyle. I’m talking about truly changing the way you think about
things, breaking old habits, putting some real boundaries in place and tapping
into your determination.
I’m talking about taking
responsibility for your own happiness. Don’t you think if someone was going to
swoop in and rescue you it would already have happened?
I have
earned the right to be a tough talker. In 1982 I faced the reality that
I was unhappy with the direction my life had taken. I was a registered nurse
with a bachelor’s and master’s degree. But after six short years of hospital
experience, I felt like I was in a dead-end job. I still wanted to be a nurse,
but on my own terms. Today I am the founder and CEO of a multi-million dollar
legal nurse consulting education company.
To achieve what I call
“Wicked Success” you have to cultivate a new, wickedly resourceful mindset. I
offer nine strategies that can help you do exactly that in 2013:
Break
the feel-good addiction. Remember, where you focus is where
you’ll yield results. And because we like to feel good, we gravitate toward
what’s easy instead of what’s productive. We major in minor accomplishments,
wasting time surfing the Internet, watching TV, hanging out on Facebook, trying
to beat our high score on Angry Birds.
Here’s a news flash: There’s no real life prize for being
great at Angry Birds. It’s time to let go of time-sucking distractions. The
more superficial things you engage in the more superficial your life and
accomplishments will be. So the next time you have a break at work or the next
time all the kids are out of the house, instead of checking your email, Facebook
or texts, use the time to take a step toward achieving one of your goals.
Stop being
the Chief Everything Officer—don’t
say “Yes” by default. It’s a hard lesson to learn but in
order to be wickedly successful, you have to understand that by saying “no” to
some things you will have the time and energy to say “yes” to the right things.
If you’re feeling overwhelmed and pulled in every direction you won’t be able
to lead yourself, much less anyone else.
Stop committing your energy to every person or situation
that demands it. You need to set your own expectations of what you want to
accomplish. Don’t let your career or life take a backseat to everyone else’s.
Yes, you have responsibilities to others. But you’ve also got a responsibility
to yourself.
Do something
big every day. You eat a whale the same way you eat an apple—one
bite at a time. The wickedly successful understand that to accomplish any
project you can’t expect to do it all at once.
This is often why our New Year’s resolutions don’t work out.
You say, “I am going to lose 20 pounds!” And then you implement a new exercise
regimen—or heck, just start actually exercising—and after two days of no weight
loss you get discouraged. You aren’t going to achieve your goals over night.
You have to work at it every day. Commit to doing something big every day
towards that project or goal and you’ll reach it. Keep working out regularly
and slowly but surely you’ll see the results. Find something you can improve and start improving it—one
bite, one step, one day at a time.
Stop
hanging with the biggest losers. When you choose to participate in
negative behaviors they rub off on you. Think about it this way: If you’re
struggling to achieve a goal, you shouldn’t hang out with someone else who is
struggling to achieve that same goal. If you want to be great at golf, you
don’t hang out with a bad golfer.
Successful people tend to hang out with other successful
people, not with losers who whine about someone else’s success. Stick with the
winners. The view from the top is meant to be shared. Find someone who’s
already there to share it with, not someone who’s never seen it.
Expand
what you’re willing to believe about yourself. Studies
show that women will underestimate their own abilities, judging themselves
lower than their skills prove, while men overestimate their abilities, judging
themselves more competent. If you
see yourself as powerless that’s what you will be. Anytime you find
yourself entertaining doubts or trying to limit what you think is possible,
remind yourself of your past successes. Let them infuse you with confidence and
bolster your resolve.
Believing you can do it—whatever
“it” is—is 90 percent of the win. When I walked into my first meeting with a
potential client, my legs were literally shaking. I forced myself to remember
that this attorney needed specialized knowledge that only I—a critical care
nurse—could give him. That reminder didn’t banish all of my nervousness, but it
did enable me to make the points I wanted with my first client. I learned that
when you expand what you’re willing to believe about yourself, you can
transform who you are and what your life looks like.
Don’t
wait for conditions to be perfect. Along the way to becoming
wickedly successful, you may have to redefine what success looks like for you. Conditions
will never be perfect – there will always be something muddying the water, even
if it’s just a little muddy.
The real challenge is accepting that you have to keep on
giving your best even when things aren’t perfect. Misguided perfectionism can
keep you from stepping out and going for what you want. Perfectionism can also
rob you of the enjoyment of experiences. Distinguishing what does and doesn’t
require perfection is the hallmark of wickedly successful women.
Surround
yourself with as many successful mentors as possible. Inept
coaches don’t fail to help you—they help you to fail. Look around you
for others whose work you admire and model yourself after them instead.
Get out of the rut of your own habits. Take your advice from
people with a proven positive track record. Accepting the leadership of others
does not make you less capable of achieving your goals. It actually boosts your
abilities. Don’t be afraid to ask for advice. And when you get good advice,
don’t be too proud to follow it.
Regenerate
your passion for work. Do you remember why you wanted the
career you have? There aren’t many jobs that offer easy hours and easy money,
so that probably wasn’t it. It was probably the love you had for the profession
whether you get to help people everyday, use your creativity, crunch numbers or
whatever your passion is. Tap back into the frame of mind you had when you were
just starting out. Ask yourself, What can
I do to become passionate about work again?
When you take this inward look, it is entirely possible
you’ll see the path ahead going in an unexpected direction. Your passion might
lead you somewhere else. That’s what happened to me when I started my business.
I was a registered nurse and I realized I wanted more passion, more joy in the
part of my life that sucked up 10 hours every day. That journey led me to pioneer
the profession of legal nurse consulting. You’ll know passion when you’ve found
it because you’ll feel amazingly engaged and energetic. Desire will become
energy and you’ll have plenty of it to create your new life—your real life.
Take
care of yourself first. If you stepped back and looked at your
daily routine objectively, as if it were happening to your best friend, what
would be your advice? Slow down? Take a few deep breaths? Spend a few moments
enjoying one day before another day crashes in with new demands?
We need to give ourselves such loving advice—and listen to
it. We need to thrive, not just survive. To have healthy, exciting and
fulfilling relationships with others, we must first have a healthy, exciting
and fulfilling relationship with ourselves. Don’t be so busy taking care of
others that you forget to take care of yourself. You can’t be your best self if you’re not your own self.
There’s no reason why 2013 can’t
be your biggest, boldest, most wickedly successful year yet. But for that to
happen you have to match your big goals with some real changes. You have to
take on a wickedly successful mindset that doesn’t take “no” or “I can’t” or
“I’m too tired” for an answer.
# # #
About the Author:
Vickie Milazzo, RN, MSN, JD,
is author of the New York Times
bestseller Wicked Success Is Inside Every
Woman (Wiley, 2011, ISBN: 978-1-1181-0052-3,
$21.95, WickedSuccess.com). From a shotgun house in New
Orleans to owner of a $16-million business, Wall
Street Journal best-selling author Milazzo shares the innovative success
strategies that earned her a place on the Inc. list of Top 10 Entrepreneurs
and Inc. Top 5000 Fastest-Growing
Companies in America.
Vickie is the owner of Vickie Milazzo Institute, an education company
she founded in 1982. Featured in the New
York Times as the pioneer of a new profession, she built a professional
association of 5,000 members.
About the Book:
Wicked Success Is Inside Every
Woman (Wiley, 2011, ISBN: 978-1-1181-0052-3,
$21.95, WickedSuccess.com) is available at bookstores nationwide and from major online
booksellers.
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