The Gift of Reading: 8 Great Ways to Make Books the Center of Your Holiday Season

 

By Donalyn Miller, guest blogger

It’s that time of year again. Parents everywhere are perusing red-and-green-themed websites and bow-bedecked store windows as they prepare to plunge into the frenzy of holiday gift buying. If your kids are like most, they’ve helpfully supplied you with a wish list featuring toys, video games, clothing items and more. If you’re like most parents, though, you’d like to supplement those items with a few meaningful gifts of your own choosing. 

I have a suggestion: Give your children the gift of reading!

If you can spark a love of reading in your children, you will be giving them a gift that will serve them well in school and in life. And if you choose books with consideration, you can maximize the odds that your children will read their gifts cover-to-cover—and ask for more!

Children need only a few positive reading experiences to get hooked on books—and you have a built-in advantage during the holidays. 

This time of year is so thrilling for kids that giving them a book now—as opposed to some other time during the year—makes that book seem more exciting and special. If you play your cards right, the holidays elevate the status of the book, and by association, reading itself.

Book ownership is important for kids. (While my new book, coauthored with Susan Kelley, Reading in the Wild: The Book Whisperer’s Keys to Cultivating Lifelong Reading Habits, has great tips for parents as well, it’s actually aimed at teachers.) That’s because owning books goes hand in hand with a love of reading—something that’s increasingly lacking amongst youngsters, but is very important.

Studies show children who love reading are most successful in school. Later in life, readers have better job prospects, enjoy more professional success, and are more socially involved and civic minded in their communities.

If you’re ready to begin book shopping, read on for eight things to consider when giving the gift of reading:

* Paper or plastic? These days, the word “book” doesn’t necessarily denote a paper-and-ink object. It can also refer to a digital file on an e-reader! As a parent, it’s important to think about which format to buy. Neither is inherently better than the other. What’s important is that your child gets into reading, period—whether she’s looking at a page or a screen! However, one format might be better suited to your particular child.

Here are several things I suggest you keep in mind when making this decision:

·              - Don’t assume that gadgets are the only way to go, or worry that print books will soon be obsolete. While there is a focus on gadgets these days, elevators didn’t put stairs out of business. 

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        -  Not all e-readers are created equal. In addition to enabling users to read books, some support web browsing, game playing, and more. You know your child and will have a good idea of how these extra capabilities might affect him. If you think he’ll be easily distracted, choose a device that’s an e-reader only and doesn’t have all the other bells and whistles.

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*      -  Ask your child what she prefers! My daughter was very clear about the fact that she preferred physical books to an e-reader. Yours, too, might also have firm preferences already in mind.

* Match interest to ability. Finding a book your child will enjoy isn’t always an easy task under the best of circumstances, but it can be especially difficult if your child reads below grade level. If he believes many of the books that he can easily read are “boring,” “stupid,” or “for babies,” he’ll develop a negative opinion of reading in general.

It’s definitely more difficult to find books that match developing readers’ ability and interest. But fortunately, it’s not impossible. Publishers are starting to recognize the gap that often exists, and to address it. So even if it means putting a little more effort into your book search, try your best to find something at your child’s reading level that he’ll actually want to read. You may be able to get some good leads by talking to his teacher. Remember, it’s crucial to promote the notion that reading is a pleasure, not a chore.

* Offer the option to listen along. Maybe you’re concerned that no matter how compelling it might be, your child just won’t be able to settle down with a book long enough to become interested. Perhaps her attention tends to wander, or maybe she’s not a very strong reader. If that’s the case, I suggest taking the story into multimedia territory.

Consider giving your child an audio and text version of the same book. Being able to listen along will help developing readers to “read up” and focus on comprehension, and it will help to lengthen all children’s attention spans. Listening to audio books also teaches children to love stories, which is just a hop, skip, and jump away from loving books.

* Leave your child hanging. Every month, it seems, a new children’s or young adult series attains popularity. (If you’re skeptical, just take a stroll through the nearest book store!) Not only is this good news for the continued survival of reading in general; it can also be good news for you as you try to hook your child on books.

Consider buying the first few books in a series, but not the whole thing. If your child gets hooked, she’ll want to buy the rest of the series to find out what happens. You can turn the resulting bookstore trip into an opportunity to explore more authors, too.

* Make a book budget. If your children normally receive money for Christmas, Hanukkah, etc., talk to them beforehand about how it will be spent. Specifically, consider asking them to earmark a certain percentage of it for books, then take them to the bookstore for a fun outing.

Thinking about and planning which books to buy with the money beforehand will be fun, too. With luck, your kids will want more books than they have money for right now!

* Give books all around! Don’t leave the bookstore with a gift for your child only. Consider exchanging books with your spouse, your parents, your family friends, etc.

When everybody reads, you’re modeling a great habit, and your child will be more likely to adopt it. Plus, reading books gives you and your kids more interesting topics and ideas to talk about with each other.

* “Book” a later bedtime. While your kids are out for winter break, consider allowing them to stay up later than usual—but only if they use that time to read.

Kids love the thrill of forbidden pleasures, like staying up past their bedtimes! Why not link that thrill to reading while you don’t have to get everyone up early for school? Just be aware that this temporary privilege might lead to illicit reading under the covers with a flashlight once classes start back. But if you’re anything like most parents, this is one rule you’ll be secretly glad your child broke.

* Enjoy this gift together. Chances are, you read aloud to your child on a frequent basis until he learned to read himself. Then, if you’re like many families, story time gradually fell by the wayside. That’s why I recommend giving your child at least one book that you can read together. You might choose a book that you yourself enjoyed growing up, the first in a series you can continue to enjoy, or even a nonfiction book about a topic in which you’re both interested.

I’m a huge advocate of reading aloud. Not only does it support developing readers, it reinforces the notion that reading is enjoyable. Try to find climactic stopping points when putting the book away after each session. You’ll be amazed at how often your child will beg you to read a little more!

            For many families, the holidays are already filled with beloved traditions like baking, tree trimming, watching special films, and more. I can’t think of a better one to add to the list than unwrapping new books at gift exchanges. When you give the gift of reading—and help your children learn to truly appreciate it—you will be helping them to develop a habit that will enhance the rest of their lives.

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About the Authors:

Donalyn Miller is the coauthor of Reading in the Wild: The Book Whisperer’s Keys to Cultivating Lifelong Reading Habits. Known as “The Book Whisperer” for her insightful advice on what students like to read and how to foster independent reading, Donalyn teaches language arts and social studies at Peterson Elementary in Fort Worth, Texas. She is also the author of The Book Whisperer: Awakening the Inner Reader in Every Child.

To learn more, please visit Donalyn online at www.bookwhisperer.com.

Susan Kelley is the coauthor of Reading in the Wild: The Book Whisperer’s Keys to Cultivating Lifelong Reading Habits. She has taught reading for over 30 years and currently teaches language arts and social studies at Trinity Meadows Intermediate in Keller, Texas.

About the Book:

Reading in the Wild: The Book Whisperer’s Keys to Cultivating Lifelong Reading Habits (Jossey-Bass, 2013, ISBN: 978-0-470-90030-7, $22.95) is available from all major online booksellers.

Happy Annoying Thanksgiving and Merry Irritating Christmas: How to Avoid Conflict with Five Traditional Holiday Grinches

By Geoffrey Tumlin, Guest Blogger

Does this holiday scenario sound familiar? Aunt Sally and Uncle Billy show up at your house for Thanksgiving dinner. Before the turkey even comes out of the oven, Aunt Sally criticizes you about your cooking and cleaning and deflates your holiday spirit. Uncle Billy then spoils the holiday dinner—again—by picking political fights with everyone at the table. Later, your cousin Connie corners you in the kitchen and discloses way too much information about her personal life, while your other cousin Mike embarrasses you by asking why you haven’t been promoted yet. Meanwhile, your father-in-law drives you nuts with his unsolicited career advice. It seems, once again, like this year’s holiday season will be awash with irritating and/or awkward moments courtesy of your beloved relatives.

If the above scenario hits a little too close to home, you’re not alone. For many of us, spending time in close quarters with people who push our buttons is what comes with the holiday territory. Unfortunately, the comments we must fend off from the holiday Grinches in our lives can easily lead to volatile interactions.

We want joy and peace during the holidays, but we often end up with frustration and conflict. It’s no surprise that 24 percent of respondents to a Consumer Reports poll admit that a few relatives make them dread the holidays. But it doesn’t have to be this way. The holidays are the worst time of year for strife and anxiety because we’re supposed to be celebrating and strengthening our most important relationships. It’s up to us to prevent holiday irritants and challenging family members from hijacking our good cheer.

When you get right down to it, most holiday arguments are pointless and counterproductive: Do Uncle Billy’s politics really matter? So what if our father-in-law gives us questionable career advice or a cousin asks us awkward questions? And why should Aunt Sally’s cooking critiques get under our skin so much?

We make two errors when we react to irritating people at the holidays. First, we escalate a frustrating or awkward moment into a damaging one. And second, we erroneously magnify the influence of people who really aren’t much of a factor in our daily lives.

Instead of being drawn into fights when there’s supposed to be peace on earth and goodwill toward all men—including Uncle Billy—letting go of most irritants and sidestepping virtually all conflict are smart ways to preserve holiday harmony.

And that’s where my new book, Stop Talking, Start Communicating: Counterintuitive Secrets to Success in Business and in Life, comes in. Full of counterintuitive yet concrete advice, it draws on my experience as a communication consultant to show readers how to improve their interactions with loved ones at the holidays and beyond to prevent damaging conflict and to develop more productive communication habits.

Here, I share ideas for ducking unnecessary arguments with five common types of holiday Grinches, whom you might encounter during one of this year’s holiday gatherings.

The constant critic. Aunt Sally finds fault with the way you run your household…and so much more.

          The holidays provide a target-rich environment for critics: The cooking, the cleaning, the kids, your house, and more are on display. But even the most persistent critic loses interest when his or her jabs don’t get a response.

          Critics want to get a rise out of you, so thoughtless reactions are counterproductive because they give the critic exactly what she wants. The most effective way to discourage a critic is to withhold a response.

          One of the hardest things to do at the holidays—or any time of year—is to hold your tongue in the presence of a nitpicker. But that’s precisely the best course of action. Take a breath, say nothing, and let it go. Silence reduces the motivation of a critic much more than a visible response. For your own proof, look no farther than last year.

         You’ve probably already tried reacting by jabbing back at a critic, and that didn’t work because your sharp jab likely triggered her right hook and further escalation. So why not try the opposite approach this year? Don’t fuel a critic’s tank by giving her the response she wants. Ignore her thrust instead and she’ll be more likely to lose interest.

         The graceless questioner. Your cousin Mike asks: “Weren’t you supposed to get a promotion last year?” and “How come you aren’t married yet?”

         How can Mike manage to eat the holiday meal with his foot constantly in his mouth? His underdeveloped tactfulness radar just doesn’t do a good job of filtering out inappropriate questions. He may not intend to cause awkwardness and embarrassment, but that’s the end result.

        Don’t escalate an uncomfortable situation into a damaging one by taking offense at a poorly conceived question. Instead, answer as simply and as blandly as possible: “Promotions are on hold company-wide because of budget constraints” or “I’m still looking for Ms. Right.”

       The goal when facing an embarrassing question is to move away from it as quickly as possible. Anything you do that highlights the question or extends the conversation, like getting upset or giving a long answer, will be counterproductive. Quick and boring answers are your very best responses to graceless questioners like Mike.

       The relentless arguer. Uncle Billy wants to argue with you about politics, current event, or virtually anything.

       Uncle Billy will debate you about the president, argue about the gold standard, and then tangle with you about the best team in the NFL. (Hint: It’s not your team.) But here’s the thing: These are the same arguments you had with him last year, and the year before that, and the year before that.

       The clearest indicator that a holiday fight is useless is if you argue about the same thing every year. Your prior arguments haven’t delivered anything except ruffled feathers and quickened heart rates. So why not change the subject or avoid tangling with a relentless arguer entirely this holiday season? Don’t expect a change from Uncle Billy—he’s a serial arguer—but that doesn’t mean that bickering with him is inevitable.

      If you don’t want to argue, don’t. Practice your listening skills instead and bone up on the fine art of rendering a well-placed “um-hmm.” It takes two to tangle, but you can be the one who creates harmony by disengaging from useless holiday arguments.

      The unsolicited advisor. Your father-in-law knows just what you should be doing to get ahead at work and—for that matter—in all facets of your life.

      Your father-in-law, who retired right around the time the Interweb was getting hooked up, somehow fancies himself a wellspring of contemporary career knowledge. However, his well-meaning—but outdated—advice drives you nuts. What should you do? Absolutely nothing.

      Be honest. you’re not going to act on unsolicited advice anyway, so you might as well let the other person talk. People who give unsolicited advice are often doing it as much for themselves as they are doing it for you.

      Your father-in-law’s career advice probably stems from his hopes that everything will be rosy for your family. As long as he’s giving advice and not harping on what you’re doing wrong, his intentions are probably admirable. His advice isn’t going to hurt you, but may help him feel better, so let the guy talk. The last thing you want to do is overreact to his honorable intentions and cause real damage.

      The shameless discloser. Your cousin Connie tells you—and anyone else within earshot—way too much about what’s going on in her private life.

      For some reason, your cousin Connie appears unfamiliar with the concept of too much information. She readily discloses unflattering personal information about her new boyfriend and the results of her most recent medical exam. Her private disclosures have become staples of your holidays just like the turkey and dressing.

      Of course, we shouldn’t blow off meaningful disclosures, but those aren’t the kinds of secrets that drive us crazy. It’s one thing to provide an empathetic ear to Connie if she’s having problems with her boyfriend, but another matter entirely to hear private relationship information. You would commiserate with Connie all day long about a real health issue, but the specifics of her physical exam are definitely details you could have done without.

     Why does Connie disclose so many unflattering secrets? Who knows? Maybe she craves attention, maybe she wants to see a reaction, or maybe she just doesn’t perceive her secrets as being such a big deal. Whatever the reason, your response is the same.

     The best strategy for handling awkward disclosures is to play dumb and not express any interest whatsoever. Pretend like the discloser is reciting her grocery list and put on your best poker face. With any luck, she’ll take the hint and stop spilling her secrets.

Most of the people who antagonize us during the holidays are scarcely a presence in our lives the other 360+ days of the year. Don’t permit yourself to have a reactive response to any holiday Grinch or frustrating family member. To do so will transform an awkward moment into a damaging one. There’s a lot to celebrate when you don’t allow challenging people to get under your skin during the holidays.

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About the Author:

Geoffrey Tumlin is the author of Stop Talking, Start Communicating: Counterintuitive Secrets to Success in Business and in Life. He is the founder and CEO of Mouthpeace Consulting LLC, a communication consulting company; president of On-Demand Leadership, a leadership development company; and founder and board chair of Critical Skills Nonprofit, a 501(c)(3) public charity dedicated to providing communication and leadership skills training to chronically underserved populations. His writing on communication and leadership has appeared in scholarly journals, newspapers, and textbooks, including Discourse Studies, the International Leadership Journal, the Encyclopedia of Leadership, the Austin American-Statesman, and five editions of Professional Communication Skills.

Tumlin holds a PhD and an MA in communication from the University of Texas at Austin and a BS from West Point. He received the Eyes of Texas Excellence Award in 2010 for his work as the assistant director of the Center for Ethical Leadership at the University of Texas at Austin. He was a faculty fellow at the University of Texas at Austin’s RGK Center for Philanthropy and Community Service and a Cátedras Laboris Fellow at the University of Monterrey in Nuevo León, Mexico.

Tumlin currently serves as trustee of the National Communication Association’s Mark L. Knapp Award Individual Endowment, the most prestigious interpersonal communication honor bestowed annually by the National Communication Association in recognition of career contributions to the academic study of interpersonal communication. Tumlin has taught thousands of people about communication and leadership and has consulted with some of the most prestigious organizations in the world, including Shell Oil, Wyeth Pharmaceuticals, the Boston Scientific Corporation, Hibernia National Bank (now Capital One Bank), Blue Star Management, and the Honolulu Police Department. He lives in Austin, Texas.

You can learn more about Geoffrey Tumlin at www.tumlin.com, and you can reach him by e-mail at geoff@tumlin.com.

About the Book:

Stop Talking, Start Communicating: Counterintuitive Secrets to Success in Business and in Life (McGraw-Hill, August 2013, ISBN: 978-0-0718130-4-4, $20.00, www.tumlin.com) is available at bookstores nationwide, from major online booksellers, and at www.tumlin.com.